Role Models & Relationships


Kate A bw.jpg

How could I, a single woman, legitimately contribute to a blog about fatherhood?!  When I was first asked to write for Good Dads, I was somewhat hesitant!

But this site is about more than just being a good father, it’s about being a role model, being someone who inspires and empowers people to step up.  I know lots of people who do that for me so that’s something I can write about!

everyone I know craves relationship of some kind.

We were created for relationship.  From the beginning of time, relationship is something mankind has craved.  Books are written about it, sermons preached about it and movies idolise it!

Through lots of conversations with friends, I’ve realised one thing..  Everyone I know craves relationship of some kind or another.  I know a lot of single friends who really desire a romantic relationship (and children), and most of these friends suffer from loneliness or a feeling of lack of self-worth because they’re not in that stage of life.

I have friends who invite me into their homes and give up their precious ‘couple time’ to prioritise our friendship

But I don’t think it needs to be that way.  I’m not lonely and I don’t feel lacking without a significant other or children in my life.  I think the main reason for that is that my church community provides the companionship that I was designed for.

I have friends who show me love with fellowship and food, who invite me into their homes and give up their precious spare time that they could spend just as a couple in order to hang out with me, build me up and prioritise our friendship.  I have other friends who let me come and hang out during their family time, watch their kids grow up, give me the privilege of being a godparent and who, for the time being, dull that ache of someone who one day would like to be a mum.

I have multiple friends who show me not just the good, fun side of being married, but who are vulnerable and honest enough to open up about the times they find hard; who show me how they do conflict in a healthy way, how they parent well, and how they sometimes fall hard and have to rely on grace to get back up again!

I won’t begrudge the time I spend being single – it’s not wasted

This is true community.  It’s simply doing life together but it has the profound effect of making us more than friends and builds us up into being the people we were supposed to be!  I don’t feel like I miss out on being in a relationship or being a mum, because I have people willing to share their lives with me, and love me.

So, I’ve decided, I won’t begrudge the time I spend being single – it’s not wasted, and it’s not second-best to the ‘next’ stage.  I will however, use my time wisely, learn from others sharing their lives with me so that if the right person comes along, I will be more prepared for marriage and parenthood, more recognisably the person God made me to be. 

It’ll take courage and it‘ll mean they see our mess..

I think there’s a challenge for all of us to open up our lives and our homes.  To do life with people, encourage them in their walk through life and model how to grow as people (even if that means them learning from our mistakes).  It’ll take courage and vulnerability and it‘ll mean they see our mess..

But at the very least it’ll provide parents with a reliable babysitter, most likely a much deeper friendship and another role model for your kids to look up to when they’re teenagers and you’re more embarrassing than cool in their eyes!

By Kate Allen

Photo credit: Yiwen Chen